Anger and emotion. What am I doing with myself?

I am an emotional person.
I cry.
I cry at everything.
I cry about things that bring me joy.
I cry about things that happen to other people.
I cry.
I am a loud person. I have horrible control about my volume level. It is truly bad when I'm emotional.
I struggle on a daily basis with the desire to not get out of bed.
I struggle on a daily basis with the desire of not wanting to be productive, but then knowing I'll hate myself should I choose to be unproductive.
I am me.
I will not chalk my actions/emotions/reactions up to being a woman.
I'm not going to play that card. It's a stupid card to play and a horrible excuse.

In my struggle with my emotions and with my tears I find that I'm either on or off.
I am slowly finding a slight middle. And when I say slowly, I mean slowly.
Very. Very. Slowly.

Sadly, these emotions flair up with little to no warning and those that I care most about are greatly affected by them.

I am at a loss as to what to do with myself in this matter.

I appreciate how empathic I am; however, those feelings will often so overwhelm me that no one knows how to handle me in those situations.

I don't want to stop feeling.

I don't know how to be a moderate with my emotions.

I don't want to be stone cold.

When I attempt to not cry I become angry and ugly and mean.

I have contemplated a career change, if one could call what I have a career, but nothing appeals to me. I want to be at home caring for my family the best way I know how, which is by providing a warm and loving home. At this stage of the "game" I'm doing horribly. I work 40 hours a week and have no motivation once I'm home at the end of the day to accomplish anything. If it weren't for my partner I would most likely have skipped many a dinner.

My life is full. I have a roof over my head. I have a loving partner. I have pets that love me. I have money in the bank, not much, but we get by. I have a running vehicle that gets me to work everyday. I have a loving partner that makes sure I'm fed.

But I feel lonely. I feel incomplete. I feel uncertain for my future. I feel as though I should be doing something else than what I'm doing. And everything I can think of doesn't come with a paycheck.

I feel selfish when I say I wasn't meant to be a cubicle dwelling employee. I feel really selfish when what I really want is to be a homemaker. I find most joy in that. I feel complete and accomplished by it. Thus far, my attempts to work from home have been thwarted. I show my love for my family by having the laundry done and the house clean and the shopping taken care of. I would like to be the one that make the meals, so that I can make my partner a true breakfast before he leaves for work in the morning and have a nice hot dinner waiting for him when he gets home.

My motivation really hits me early in the morning and early in the afternoon. With this mundane job I'm on my way to work early in the morning and I'm stuck in my little box in the early afternoon. By the time I get home my motivation is gone. There never seems to be enough time to do anything and yet everything must get done. In the end fuses are short and tempers are high. Everyone is tired and no one wants to do anything. Thank the gods for auto bill pay.